Take a moment to think about the last time you felt angry, frustrated, or annoyed at another person. It could have been last week or even this morning. Anger at others is something that happens to everyone, even the calmest among us. So take a few seconds to recall the last time you had felt that frustration.
Got it? OK, now — still imagining that moment — think about what it was that triggered that negative emotion. Was it something the other person did, or neglected to do, or said?
Is revisiting this memory bringing up that same negative emotion?
Let’s continue this exercise. Now, try to put yourself in that other person’s shoes. Imagine the same situation, but from his or her perspective. Consider every other external influence, condition, and experience that occurred to that person prior to that moment, and what emotions that other person might have had at the time.
Has your perspective shifted? Or are you still assuming the worst in that person? Do you still have negative thoughts about him or her? Now, take a moment to imagine that person without the negativity, and, instead, a perspective of kindness.
This exercise is often not easy, but it is extremely useful toward developing compassion. I wrote about the subject of compassion a few years ago, but the subject is so incredibly important, I wanted to address it again.
So what is compassion? Compassion is the intent to help someone and contribute to their happiness and well-being. It is not a mere feeling; rather, at its most basic, it is an intention, and it is proactive.
Channeling compassion for this other person may make you feel a little weird or uncomfortable at first. However, just roll with it.
Developing compassion takes practice. It’s not necessarily a skill you’re born with.
Why develop compassion? And why is compassion essential to leadership?
Compassionate leaders are motivated to invest their time in other people, to listen, and learn about what they might need to succeed. Through listening and understanding, we can discover what challenges the other person faces — whether internal or external. On the flip-side, the failure to listen can create a rift between you and others. One of the main criticisms many employees have with their bosses is that their boss don’t listen.
Once you can understand an other person’s aspirations and goals — and imagine how you might help him or her achieve them — you position yourself to mentor, inspire, and motivate that person. As a leader, taking such a position can help your organization as a whole.
Compassion also breeds patience. The alternative is rudeness, impatiently cutting someone off while they are speaking, implying that you don’t want to listen. People don’t appreciate rude leaders.
The benefits of compassion extend far beyond just being a great leader. Compassion will increase your gratitude. You might feel grateful for having the comforts that others don’t. Gratitude increases overall well-being.
Compassion also gives us wisdom. In exercising compassion — and by shifting the focus from ourselves to others — we escape preoccupations with our own problems. This change in perspective gives us an opportunity to in turn see ourselves objectively with more clarity. That is wisdom.
Moreover, as opposed to feeling the frustration, annoyance, or even anger you may have felt in the recall exercise above — compassion puts you in a position to implement positive change. Frustration and anger does not help a situation, but compassion — through understanding and positive action — can.
Take a moment to think about the memory you recalled at the beginning of this article. Do you feel a little more compassionate about that person? Can you think of a way to feel more compassion toward that person?
After all, compassion is the cure for anger.
